Geoffrey X, Diary of a Brexiteer – the everyday thoughts of an ordinary Brexiteer on the street*.

*Streetview was unavailable for comment.



The battle for freedom continues, and this time it’s my hero Boris in the firing line. These remoaners seize on anything. All the poor man had said was F*** business – and who can blame him: Airbus had just announced that if Britain didn’t get the right deal for Brexit they would have to consider moving out of Britain, and half a dozen others are saying the same thing.

Frankly, these big businesses are worse than the millenials – one tiny problem and they run off crying to France. They seem to think that just because they provide employment for a few people they should be listened to. But they must not be allowed to frustrate the will of the British people with their outrageous demands.

It’s ridiculous – why should the prospect of hundreds of thousands of people losing their jobs affect the will of the British people? We voted to leave the EU so we could control our laws and our borders, not hold onto our jobs. We’ve had millions on the dole before, and it never did me any harm. They’ll just have to get on their bikes to look for work – there’ll be plenty of  jobs in France or Poland. Besides, I’m retired so it won’t affect me.

My wife gets very cross when I say things like that – says, and I quote, ‘it’s sheer selfishness’! Nothing selfish about looking out for number one, I say. But not too often because she storms out leaving me nothing for lunch.

Anyway, why can’t Airbus fit wings made in Britain onto a plane made in Europe? Nobody worried about certification and regulatory compliance when I was flying spitfires in the war. Well, I wasn’t actually flying them, so to speak – I was only just born – but it comes to the same thing. Besides, surely they could use the wings for something else – use a bit of imagination. They’d never have managed at Dunkirk if they’d thought that the only way out was on a boat.

It was? Well, anyway. That’s hardly the point.

And I’m fed up with hearing about this just-in-time malarkey: we didn’t worry about little things like supply chains when I was a young man, and nobody minded a bit waiting for their new Ford Cortina – what’s a couple of years when at the end of it you have a shiny new car with every single bit of it made in Great Britain.

But every time I say this, my wife rather rudely points out that bits used to fall off them, and everyone wanted German cars because they actually started in the morning and didn’t spend half their time in for repairs. As if reliability was the only thing that mattered in a car. I blame the Guardian. She never used to read it. Perhaps I’ll have a word with the newsagent.

I gather from my friend Jacob R-M, that our chancellor is ‘co-operating’ with business to undermine Brexit. Sheer treason! What’s it got to do with him what happens to businesses after Brexit?   He should get on with keeping the country on the fiscal straight and narrow, not poke his nose into things that are none of his business.

There’s been unkind talk of Jacob relocating part of his business to Dublin to keep it in the single market. I was very disappointed to hear this, but he has given me his word of honour that he had nothing to do with it. Wasn’t even in the same century when it happened! He’d nipped back to the 18th Century to get some decorating tips for his new mansion near Downing Street – which is another thing people give him flak for. Why shouldn’t a man who has worked his socks off to come from a wealthy family and marry a rich wife have a few comforts in his life?  And living round the corner from his next job seems an eminently sensible way to spend a few spare millions.

And the poor man – all this stuff in the news about Trump separating migrants from their children, and no one knowing when they’ll come back –. The terrible unfairness of it all is really getting to him: those immigrant parents are getting their children taken off their hands for free, whereas he has to pay more than £30,000 each.  And he has to have them back in the school holidays.

No other news, apart from the newsagent saying he had a business to run, not save other people’s marriages. Probably another remoaner. Trouble is, they’re everywhere. And if us Brexiteers don’t stop dying off, we’re going to be outnumbered by next March.