Following our Prime Minister’s statement that he would rather be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit, the NFU is to take legal action.
A spokesman said, ‘it’s bad enough that our farmers are about to lose their subsidies, their markets, and are facing the threat of chlorine-washed food flooding the market, without having their ditches clogged up with rotten prime ministers’.
The ditch was unavailable for comment, but the big brown bull from Aberdeen said that on the whole he would rather be led by the nose by a girly swot.
And all this talk of ditches brings to mind borders. And backstops.
I think it’s time to have a word about them.
Our current Prime Minister (at least, as of five minutes ago), who has not yet deaded himself in a ditch (but there’s always hope), was certain that he could get a marvellous new deal with the EU because he could come up with a solution to the back-stop problem.
He persuaded people (although not that many – we are not talking about an elected leader here) to vote for him based on this certainty.
I’m the man to get it done, he said.
He’s the man to get it done, they said.
Unfortunately he didn’t work out this marvellous, miraculous solution to a hitherto unsolvable problem before he made such a promise.
And it apparently didn’t occur to them to ask for details.
As he knew they wouldn’t.
Because the people in charge of choosing him as their leader weren’t bothered about that sort of thing; they just wanted out, and they didn’t care much how it happened.
They might not have been the very best people to choose our Prime Minister.
But back to the Backstop:
I realise that Eton may not have bothered itself overmuch about teaching the finer historical details of stray bits of off-shore Britain – not when they had an empire to crow over – so Boris may not have even heard of the Good Friday Agreement.
After decades of violence and terrorism, it brought peace to Northern Ireland, and an end to weekly bomb-scares and bombings on the mainland.
A vital, and internationally binding, part of this agreement was that there must be no hard border between Northern Ireland and Ireland.
Which is just as well because the border goes through people’s houses, gardens, farms, and down the centre of some roads. A hard border would not only be illegal, but really quite inconvenient.
Although an excellent way of stopping dangerous overtaking.
But if Britain leaves the EU – yes, I will keep that hopeful if in there – the EU must have a hard border, because without one, the single market becomes a chlorine-washed free-for-all.
So there must be a border.
But there must not be a border.
The backstop is supposed to get round this by keeping Britain in the Customs Union – bound by its rules, but with no say on them – until they can resolve the unresolvable border issues.
Brexiteers don’t like it.
Remainers don’t like it.
For good reasons.
If we leave without a deal, we no longer have to have the backstop, but that does nothing to solve the problem of the Irish border.
So having landed himself a fish he can’t deliver, what are Johnson’s options?
By Monday, provided he doesn’t find ways of blocking Royal Assent on the new law (they exist and he may), he won’t be able to deliver a no-deal Brexit – or, in all probability, any other sort – and if he can’t do that, then an election risks being a gift to the Brexit Party.
In any case, he can’t get the required two thirds majority to hold one.
As I said a couple of days ago, he could resign – and he well might. But Boris wants to be Prime Minister.
So: no majority; no election to get one; little chance of delivering Brexit.
He could hold a second referendum.
Unless he’s got any other brown bull up his sleeve that he could use to trample all over democracy.
wordsfromthediva 